Dan VS Books
by Doug Underscore
Summary: When Dan had to take Chris to the library -rather he liked it or not- books had manage to hypnotize him. Upon realization of this, he decided to burn it down, happy to finally have a reason to. But little did he know the secrets that lie within the Library... well he find that secret, or will he just burn that down too?
1. Chapter 1: The Library

**Chapter 1  
The Library**

It was 12:20 AM in the afternoon, and Dan finally woke up and got out of bed. He yawned, then got on his usual jeans and his usual 'JERK' T-shirt, fed Mr. Mittens -the Cat that he had stolen when he destroyed the pound- and finally turned on the T.V. to what whatever's on. while he eat a bowl or Corn-Flakes.

Right when he was about to enjoy his favorite show, there was a knock on the door. It was his 'Best friend' Chris- normally, Dan's a real jerk to him- but somehow they're still friends.

When Chris entered, he was still panting, appearing to have ran here in a rush. "Dan... I... need... to... barrow... your car..." Dan jumped up and spelled his cereal everywhere -Mr. Mittens screeched at that, but calmed down and licked himself, enjoying that milk that was all over him. "_Why!? _Did you already have your own car?"

"It's a long story..." Chris explained.

_A tow truck towed Chris's car away- for it was parked in an expired spot._

_"NO! NO! NO! Wait up! I was going to pay!"_

_Chris ran after his car, holding out a few dollars in his hands- but he was too late; the truck drove away with his car. He fell on his knees._

_"WHHYYYYYYYY!"_

It flashed back to reality. "And that's why I'm not letting you drive my car!" Chris looked confused. "Wait, what are you talking about?"

"I saw your flash-back." Dan explained, but Chris stilled looked puzzled.

"You know; the one where your car was being towed..."

Chris arched an eyebrow, having no idea how Dan saw that. Was Chris the only one who saw that? Before his mind wondered off, he manage to come up with a solution, and coincidentally- a light-bald appeared.

"Hey, if _I_ can't drive, maybe _you_ can drive _me_." Dan already hated the idea. Normally, it's _Chris_ that drives _Dan_ to places, never the other way around- plus, that would be about five minutes or more without T.V. "No... I can't... I'm... busy"

Chris folded his arms- he knew his friend far to well to be 'busy' (unless it's a revenge scheme, but that's not the case right now).

"Busy'? With what?" Chris asked suspiciously. Dan knew Chris far to well- when he asked him questions like that, it already means he's up to him. He improvised. "Um... you know... I have this... thing... to do... you know, with that... stuff, with those... people... annnd..." it was a losing battle already, Chris had that unconvinced look. "Annnnnd... oh fine! Let's go..."

Dan drove while Chris was on the passenger seat. And after driving for a bit, he realized he had no idea where he was going.

"So... where are we going anyway?"

"To the library." Chris simply answered. Dan growled, he hated libraries- but had sadly doesn't have a reason to put it in the list... yet...

After dealing with a lot of traffic, with a series of hawking and screaming- they were finally at the library. He dropped Chris right off- but before he could ditch him and leave for home to continue watching T.V., Chris stopped him.

"Now Dan, I'll only be a minute. Don't go anywhere while I'm gone..." Chris took a few careful steps. "Now, seriously; it will only take a minute. Don't. Go. Anywhere." he slowly turned, but stopped. "Now Dan, I don't... you know what...? Forget it, just come with me..." Dan sighed, but pulled out his note book to bring in case he _finally_ finds a reason to burn down the library.

Dan sat on a chair, tapping his finger impatiently. "Gah... this place is SOOO boring!" everyone shushed him, shooting him glares, and preceded reading. He sighed... this would take quite awhile... hopefully not too long...

**Fifteen Minutes Later**

Dan was drooling, fast asleep on that same chair, waiting for what felt like hours. After awhile, Chris showed up with a book- and somehow Dan snapped awake.

"Oh! Chris, finally!"

"Dan, I-"

"I thought it would have taken you _days!_"

"No, Dan, I was just-"

"Okay, we're leaving, GOODBYE OLD-"

"DAN! We're not leaving! I was just giving you something to read to pass the time."

"Wait... _what!?_"

"Sorry Dan, it's taking me a bit longer to find that book then I thought- _and I'm still searching_."

"Wait... you think I'm going to... _read_ while I wait...?"

"Yep..."

"Why you... you think I _read!?_ What am I, a _Book-Worm _or something?"

"Dan... just... try it, okay... I'll just be a moment longer..."

Dan folded his arms and looked away with a 'hmmph'. Chris simply placed the book on a wooden table with a sun flower, swaying side to side (and Chris could have sworn he could have seen a smiley face on it). "Just... try it, alright?" and then he left to continue his search.

**A Minute or Two Later**

Dan rolled a quarter on the table, trying to pass the time in everyway possible -except for reading- but, as luck usually goes for him; the quarter parted with him and rolled away from him once Dan accidentally slipped it away, then his forehead then had a brief meeting with his palm "Oh %$&amp;!" everyone shushed him for the seventh time, and a mom cover her child's innocent ear, her child now forever cursed with his extended vocabulary. "Gosh, nobody says 'curses' anymore? Sesh, what has happened to this country...?"

Now out of things to do, he slowly looked down at the book, but then looked away. After a bit, he slowly looked at the book again- and for the first time in ages, read the cover (they say you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, but they never say to judge a book _before_ you read the cover). He read aloud softly _'The Chap in the Cap'_... the cover had a British boy with a tan cap, winking at the fourth wall. With steady ease, he slowly picked up the book, unable to believe what he is doing. This is why he needs T.V., so he could avoid dangerous things like this.

Slowly, he opened it, but immediately closed it. "AH! MY EYES!" everyone shushed him once more. He slowly opened the book once more, slowly adjusting the bright light that reflected off of the sun. When he finally opened it, the words were at first blurry- but they began to become clear. Slowly, he read to himself aloud.

'_It was all wet, and rainy Outside. The kids were sad, unable to go play a game of Seek and Hide, nor can they go jog a Lap. But then came a Chap in a Cap...'_

**About Three Minutes Later**

_'And then everything was Clean, everything far and Between, every Gold-Fish bowl, and Glow-Dome- just in time for Mum to come Home. __**The End**_

Dan slowly lowered the book, his eyes now wide and small. He immediately grabbed the nearest book, and began to read- and then came the next, and the next, and ever so fourth. Eventually, Chris just happened to pass by when he noticed Dan. "Dan... are you... reading...?" Dan immediately stopped and froze, his eyes slowly growing back to normal as reality slowly dawned upon him- and just when things couldn't get worse... "and... what are you reading... wait... is that...?" Chris trailed off, and Dan slowly turned the booked around to see the cover- '_Slumber 101: Everything You Need to Know about Slumber Parties, But Are Too Afraid to Ask'_. He blushed, having no idea why he was reading this. So he immediately threw the book behind him, followed by a window crashing and a Cat screeching sound. His face turned red, and he slowly fell to his knees, and threw his fist in the air.

"**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKS!"**

**Dan VS. Books.**


	2. Chapter 2: The Lighter

**Dan VS. Books  
Chapter 2  
The Lighter**

Chris simply face palmed. "Dan... really...? I..." he sighed. "Oh... not again..." Dan evilly laughed while he headed for the Children's section. Chris decided to ignore this and continue his journey for the book he wanted.

Dan continued to laugh evilly, the kids watching him with off ease (especially the parents). There was a little girl with a Tiara, with a pink crayon, drawing horses- and with a blue Crayon, a blue fedora.

"STEP ASIDE, KID! I NEED THAT!"

He pushed her, and she started to cry. Lord knows why Dan hasn't already bee kicked out by now. He immediately grabbed a white crayon, and a blue piece of paper and got to work, planning on how he's gonna set the library a-flame.

While Dan was plotting with his crayon, there were some dark figures watching him- whispering to one another. "What are we gonna do about _him_?" asked the first voice, which sounded a rather bit high.

"**I don't know... all we know is that we are going to suffer for his humiliation.**" answered a dark, deep voice.

"And that is why we should stop him! Or else _we'll _be history- and I mean gone for good this time!" argued the first voice, and was followed by a few other voices identical to his. "Ah yes, he's right! He's right! He couldn't have said it any better!"

Normally, the owner of the first voice is not that good with logic, the owner of the deep voice thought; but there was no way to argue with him this time. He sighed... very... deeply...

"**... Fine... we'll tell the others right away...**"

"Ura!"

Came a sudden new voice. "Oi, how long have you been here?" asked the first voice.

"YA ne znayu. YA prosto slushal, eto vse, chto nuhzno znat'."

"**Whatever- Skairk, can you spread the word?**"

Asked the deep voice.

"Da, ya budu!"

Meanwhile, Dan had finally finished his long, complicated and genius plan that he devised!

He walked over to Chris, whom was scanning the bookshelves for what he was looking for. "Chris, I need a lighter."

"Dan, I do _not_ burn the library! There's people in here- and you could be arrested! "Eh, happens all the time." Dan calmly replied, as Chris slapped his palm upon his wrist.

"Dan... just... why...? _Why_ do you need- no, _want_ to destroy the library?

"Because it's those _disgusting _books that humiliated me!"

"Yeah, and destroying the Library is gonna fix that?"

"Sure!"

Exclaimed Dan. Once again, Chris found himself face palming, knowing it's no use to talk Dan out of it. Why did he even try anyway? Else is right... he should just brake all contact with him... and move faraway...

"Now, _WHERE'S THAT LIGHTER!?_"

Dan demanded.

"Dan, I won't let you!"

"CHRIS!"

Everyone, for the hundredth time today; shushed him. Again, why he hasn't already been kicked out; is beyond me.

Dan folded his arms "Grr... _FINE!_ I'll get my own lighter!"

And then he marched off.

"Hey... you need a lighter...?"

Dan turned. "Hah...?" Behind him was a girl with very pale skin, dark hair, and black and white clothing.

"I said; do you need a lighter?"

"Hey, aren't Mimes not suppose to talk?"

"Very funny Dan..." she said deadpanned. "How did you know my name!?"

Dan demanded. "I know stuff... and I heard you talk to your friend earlier, which I why I wonder if you need a lighter or not. He did say you 'wanted' one, but I need to know if you _need_ one."

"Oh yeah...?" Dan replied "And how is any of this your business...?"

"Well, what's the point in helping if nothing is considered my 'business'? Besides, don't you want a lighter? Or even need one...?"

Dan's head start to spin, she keeps going even deeper then Dan ever could. And that's not really that deep at all!

"Ger... fine... I'll take one..."

"Did I say I'll give you one?"

She replied. "WHY YOU LITTLE-"

_"SHHHHH_" he was interrupted by the librarian.

"why you little..." He said again in a whisper in she left. The girl only grinned in response. "Your cute... hah, been awhile sense I've said that..."

"What, did they send you to prison for your big mouth and broke your spirits?" replied Dan, pretending she didn't say the first part.

"If they had... then why would I still have one...?"

"Will I- but you- and they- but- GAH!"

_shhhhhhh!_

Dan folded his arms, grumbling to himself.

"So... you don't want a lighter..."

"NO! I-"

_shhhhhhhh!  
_

_"_I _do_ need lighter."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do!"

"No you don't."

"Yes I do!"

"Yes you do."

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do."

"No I don't! I can perfectly go without a lighter!"

Dan folded his arms and marched off. The mysterious girl swiftly walked off before he realized what he just said.


End file.
